WWF Fans Choose XBOX
02/02/02

Microsoft announced today that sales of their XBox console have met expectations, and that their plans to dominate a new market with innovative products are proceeding on schedule. The software mega-giant claims to have sold 1 million of the 1.5 million units available during the holiday season. "Oh, we're very pleased with the numbers we're hearing," said John O'Rourke, Director of Sales and Marketing for XBox. "We'd like to thank the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) and it's fans for all their support."

According to O'Rourke, WWF fans have purchased an amazing 90% of all the XBox's sold. "Those are the numbers we're hearing, but it's not surprising since Microsoft and the WWF share the same key demographics: people who enjoy monster trucks and the mentally retarded." O'Rourke also promises that when an XBox wrestling game is actually released it will become an instant bestseller. "Wrestling games always sell very well, and a partnership with the WWF is one of the key ingredients to our plans."

This news comes as no surprise considering how many XBox commercials a WWF fan will see during a typical show. Wrestling fans are usually not known for their intelligence, and when the TV says to buy an XBox three or four times during every commercial break they heed the call. "For all intents and purposes it is brainwashing," says Dr. Felix Von Oelhoffen, professor of psychology at DigiPen Institute of Technology. "Even a person of average intelligence may be tempted!"

Gamesuck went to a WWF show when it was in our area to see what the fans had to say about the XBox. Here are a few comments our local wrestling fans gave us:

GS: What do you think about the XBox?
"Hey, man, it's sweet. Did you see the commercial for Blood Wake? It looks like Twisted Metal except with boats and shit."
GS: Do you like Twisted Metal?
"I never played it, but it's supposed to be good."
- John Edwards

GS: Do you own the XBox?
"Ya! I got it when it first came out."
GS: Why XBox and not the GameCube?
"Because XBox is faster. It has more bits and stuff. And cause Microsoft has alot of money and won't let it fail."
- Barry Alan

GS: How do...
"What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?"
GS: Do you think...
"What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?"
- Mike Porter

GS: Why did you buy the XBox?
"It's the only system that plays DVDs right out of the box."
GS: When did you decide to buy one?
"That time The Rock and Triple H were fighting over who got to be this year's Baron of Bashing, and Rock said he was gonna stick the XBox up Triple H's ass, and then Triple H came out and instead of fighting they settled their differences by playing Dead or Alive."
GS: Are you worried about the Japanese launch?
"No, man! XBox is going to kill Nintendo."
- Chris Miller

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