GAMESUCKTORIAL: Where Do You Find The Time
By Lord Scorpio Bloodskull
The other day I decided to play a little Everquest, and try to advance my character's levels. That's when I noticed something that really vexed me: There's a lot of freaking high-level people playing! Don't get me wrong, Lord Scorpio Bloodskull (my "online" persona) is not one to be trifled with, but come on! Where do you people find the time to obtain those ridiculous levels?

Don't you play any other games like I do? My PC software receives most of my attention, but I also have all the home consoles too. Now, I'm not some kind of one-company fanboy, but I must admit that my Xbox gets played more than any other system. It definitely has the best graphics. Of course, any video game expert, like yours truly, will tell you that graphics aren't everything, but I sure do love showing off my Xbox. When Microsoft finally releases Halo 2, I'm inviting everyone I know to join me in my lair for a long-awaited celebratory gaming party. Everyone except for that poser, Count Morgoth Lestat. He's not invited, and he knows why.

I also spend a lot of time collecting classic video games. When I'm not dispatching noobs on Everquest, or playing my consoles, I like to hunt for elusive vintage games to enhance my electronic entertainment horde. Places like garage sales and flea markets are ideal spots for finding clueless sellers. Once, at a local yard sale, I found a box full of Sega Genesis games that included a near-mint copy of Herzog Zwei. When I asked the guy how much he wanted for it, he said one dollar! Can you believe it? I bet that guy would be pretty pissed if he knew that game sells for fifteen dollars on Ebay! I sure hope he's not reading this now. Then again, Lord Scorpio Bloodskull fears no mere mortal.

Surely, you high-level people must spend some time perusing online message boards and usenet just like me. When I'm not buying or playing video games, I like to discuss them with my fellow experts. You won't find Lord Scorpio Bloodskull in just any dialog however. I avoid those childish forums where the topic of the day is, "Who would win in a fight, Sephiroth or Mega Man?" That's just freaking stupid! First of all, they're not even from the same game, so how can you compare them? Secondly, everyone knows that Sephiroth would destroy Mega Man if it were ever possible for them to fight. Despite crap like this, I'm still able to find quality video game debate online.

This is bullshit!

Perhaps you guys don't have any hobbies outside of playing games, but I sure do. I'm currently drawing a comic book based on my adventures in Everquest. I call it, Bloodskull, and I'm hoping Marvel Comics will publish it under their new EPIC line. I also like to work on cosplay costumes, which I wear to the bi-monthly anime film showings at the college theater. On top of all this, I'm also trying to learn the Japanese language for the obvious reasons.

As you can see, Lord Scorpio Bloodskull has a pretty busy schedule, so you can understand why I ask these high-level characters, "where do you find the time?" I guess those people must really be addicted or something, cause they definitley can't have a life outside of Everquest like me. I have better things to do with my time than just enhancing my character in a single game. Lord Scorpio Bloodskull may never match you elitist geeks in level, but at least I know that I'm not some freaking loser!

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