Dave Perry Threatens New Release
1/14/05
Rouge Developer
Dave "Badass" Perry
As a result of the swirling rumors that indicate Dave Perry may be considering developing a new video game, Gamesuck.com has raised our Video Game Suckometer to its orange level.

Dave Perry is the president of Shiny Entertainment and the self-proclaimed "mastermind" behind titles such as McDonald's Global Gladiators, Earthworm Jim, and 7-Up Cool Spot. Rumors of an imminent Shiny release began after a web-surfer inadvertently stumbled upon their website. "I was looking for products to clean my silverware," said the surfer, who wishes to remain anonymous. "Instead, I was greeted by wild tribal drums, strange flashing symbols, and promises of future games. It was just terrible!"

The Gamesuck staff can corroborate the story. Shiny's website is indeed full of bizarre and cryptic messages concerning possible future releases. The most disturbing of which states, "Shiny Entertainment is currently hard at work on its upcoming project, a followup to the groundbreaking Enter the Matrix."

As for Enter the Matrix's groundbreaking achievement: we can only assume Shiny is referring to the cracked floors of the countless discount stores that received the game via dump trucks in drove. In any case Gamesuck took their quote as a threat; reason enough to raise our Suckometer to its second highest level. As you may know, Enter the Matrix is based on the terrible Matrix movie sequels and enjoyed modest success after game magazines purposely confused gamers by over-hyping the game for months, only to ridicule it in review.

The Suckometer will remain at the Extreme Level until we can confirm whether or not this new game project is a figment of Dave Perry's imagination. After all, plenty of companies have had delusions of actually producing titles right before they went belly-up. Hopefully this will be the case, and we can all go back to simply worrying about which handheld sucks more.

A message from the Gamesuck team
The staff of Gamesuck would like to apologize for making fun of Dave Perry, The Matrix, and The Department of Homeland Security's Advisory System. It was far too easy, and we promise to put more effort into our game journalism in the future.

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