Metal Gear Solid 2 Review
02/02/02

It's amazing Konami was able to keep the fact that Metal Gear Solid 2 is a steaming pile a shit a secret for so long. The hype machine was working extra hard on this game, because all those rumors you've heard about Hideo Kojima (The game's producer/creator) not letting information slip out to the public is pretty much a lie. In actuality he knew he'd be out of a job if people knew what an utter disaster this game really is.

Okay, so maybe some of the stuff you've heard is true. The graphics are really pretty, and the attention to detail is amazing. This game would have been a great PS2 launch title, since it really shows off some of the neat tricks the system can do. It's the kind of game that you can show off to people who are easily impressed by blinking lights and loud noises.

Unfortunately the game has nothing else to offer. If you've played the first Metal Gear Solid game there is nothing new to see. All the old weapons are back, and the controls are identical. You're probably thinking, "MGS2 is just a high resolution version of a game I already own, so I will like it too." You are wrong!

Metal Gear is one of those movie/game hybrids where you press a button to advance the movie. Of course the movie stops occasionally, and you get to move the character around the screen and do stuff. Otherwise, they couldn't call it a game. Enjoy every opportunity you get to play, because it seems like you can't take more than ten steps before the movie starts again and you are pressing the button to advance the story. On top of all this, even if you are the kind of freak who enjoys movies advanced by the pressing of a button, the story is a convoluted mess adding insult to injury.

Kojima or whoever wrote this nightmare must be stopped at all costs. Laws should be passed to keep them from ever writing again. It's just painfully bad like some terrible anime movie. It's the kind of story that is so utterly dumb and confusing that people pretend to understand it just so they don't look stupid around their friends.

By the way, Konami, I really enjoyed how the story has nothing to do with Solid Snake. You only control Snake for a tiny portion of the game before the new, white-haired, Sephiroth-wannabe character takes over. This new character is so lame it makes you wonder why a humongous warning label was not placed on the front of the packaging. Maybe something like, "Warning! Snake is barely in this game!!!" Even worse, there was no reason not to have Snake be the main character. It boggles the mind that only a few other reviews have mentioned this "spoiler."

Once you are in control of this unwanted new guy the story gets worse and worse. I enjoy a good plot twist, but when they occur every ten seconds it's really annoying. Every character in this mess of a story has a shocking revelation that drastically changes the entire plot. Even when the ultimate truth is revealed, the massive contradictions in the story may make your head explode in rage and anger.

Maybe it's just me, but I hate it when I completely agree with the bad guys. The terrorists are the only people making any sense, and you're controlling a guy trying to stop them. Their objectives are so reasonable that Kojima had to make the bad guys do bad things, like killing main characters, to give you a motivation to stop them. One of the bosses needed so much help to be hated, that he actually shouts something like, "I'm the one who killed your parents!" right before you fight him.

Metal Gear Solid 2 is a disaster. It's almost like they took the first game, made it high resolution, and got a retarded monkey (or the human equivalent) to slap at a keyboard to produce the story. Ultimately none of this will matter as the Sony hype machine has already brainwashed the masses in believing they need this crap. If you must play this game do yourself a favor and rent it. It shouldn't take more than three days to complete. Keep in mind you have been warned, and will probably try to get those three days of your life back from Konami.

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