GameStop Reviews
09/28/02

Lots of online stores will let customers write reviews for their products, but we like GameStop.com the best. They will post almost anything you write, regardless of how insanely wrong it is. Here are all our reviews that appear on their site, and a few they didn't post:

Sega Soccer Slam (Cube)

Sega Soccer
Sega is known for there cutting edge soccer games and this one is no different. I recomend buying this game based on Sega makes the best soccer games. Buy 2!

Classically Soccerful!!!!
Do NOT listen to the other reviewers! They say the game is good, but they do not go far enough! Do you remembers Sega's classic Soccerfest on the Master System?? Well, that absolute classic is back with trilinear-mipmapping and polygonal goodness! This is great for those of us who can't find a copy of the original. Can you say multi-player??? Oh yeah! The Gamecube multitap allows 3-on-3 soccer action. You will have much fun with this game. A great update of one of the most fun soccer games of all time. I just hope Sega brings us more Master System updates: Can you imagine a Gamecube version of Woody Pop? Yeah baby, Yeah! Buy this game!

Final Fantasy 10 (PlayStation 2)

Final Funtasy
I particularly enjoy RPGs, because I'm not really good at those fast-paced games that require skill and reflexes. I'm much better at beating games that involve reading the text boxes to solve the intricate story. An RPGs goodness is totally based on it's story, and Final Fantasy 10's story is very good. It easily rivals the works of Shakespeare and Homer. The only reason I don't give it a 5 is because they still make us fight battles! I don't want to do any of that! I just want to read what happens next. Buy this game based on it's cromulant story and GRAPHICS.

Spider-Man (Xbox)

I'm in Microsoft-Spider Heaven!
Do you like spiders? Do you like men? If the answer is yes then buy this game! Spider-Man is the second greatest super-hero next to Kingpin. The best part is Microsoft has lots of money and can pay developers for special favors like 2 Bonus Levels Not On Other System!!! You definitly want to get the Xbox version for the extra features they bought. Buy two! The game is pretty good too.

Halo (Xbox)

Funtime Craziness - HALO STYLE
Let me tell you something. You like video games. You _really_ like video games. You bought the Xbox, didn't you? DIDN'T YOU. Well, in any case, this is your reward. The magnanimous HALO. I was surprised to find out that this was a puzzle game. But it's fun, nonetheless. You, the player, control a space marine (they aren't called exactly that in the game) and line up a variety of icons (aliens, pulsars, etc.) to clear each level. What's really fun is when you get to drive your oppoenents vehicles. SAWEET! My only wish is that MS would stop advertising their products in their games. I mean, c'mon. No cares about the latest features of MS Office XP. Buy this game!

Grand Theft Auto 3 (PlayStation 2) <Not Posted>

Dude
Dude, this game is so good. What do you do in all games? You kill enemies, bosses, and fighters. This game is all about that! It's so awesome that when I showed it to my girlfriend she broke up with me! Whatever, Cindy I don't need you as long as I have my PlayStation and this game I'm happy. I can't believe I was going to merry her.

Jak and Daxter (PlayStation 2) <Not Posted>

Spanish Armada Possibly Errant in Dexterland! Woo!
Words cannot express the sheer jubilation contained in this frabjous game. An incredible narrative illustrates the fantastical game worlds envisioned by the most petulant developer on the planet: 989 studios. Yes. THEY DID IT AGAIN: Tempest 2000, Splatterhouse, and now Jek and Daxter. Can words express the overflowing excellence exuded by this game? Well, can you use words to describe the falling of a sping rain on a newly cracked egg? Exactly. Let me try. You, the Player, control Jek a delightful gnome with the hope of saving the orphanage from the evil Transbubulator, an evil presence of EXTREME EVIL. Then, without warning, the story changes and the included mini-games will do nothing if not delight even the most jaded teapot. THE GRAPHICS ARE BEST TYPE OF GRAPHICS GRAPHICALLY POSSIBLE. But I have yet to describe the most infatuous part of the game. Yes, you know what I'm talking about: the final bass (yes, it's a fish). This foe is the baddest, meanest, hardest, and ugliest electronic foe you have EVER FACED! No JOKE! Trust me,I have played many games. I don't have many friends. My only hope is that this review will lead you to buy this game and enjoy the cromulant quality of Jek and Dexter. PS: This game is much easier if you purcahse the optional PS2 Jektroller control pad. In any case, BUY THIS GAME!

Mario Sunshine (Cube)

Stop Wario!
Mario and Luigi must, once again, team up with the nefarious Bowser to put an end the Wario's evil ways once and for all. Mario must modify Luigi's ghost-sucking backpack into a water cannon! You, the player, will get to experience a 3D world like no other! Reserve this game today!

Wave Bird (Cube)

Wireless Funnerz
This is the best thing ever! For safety reasons alone it is worth buying it. Dangerous controller cords and kids are not a good combonation!! Nintendo says this controller works from realy far away. Nintendo says this controller requires batteries. I says sounds good to me! Even though I am 35 years old, The Wavebird is cool and will be a central part of all my video game fun times and hopefully your fun times too!

Okage (PlayStation 2)

Much more than a game...
All of us live in a world of shadows. We repeat the same cycle: wake up, go about our business, go to sleep. The people we interact with are a reflection of the darkness within us and just as we get to the point where we begin to understand the darkness, we fall into the ultimate shadow from which we will not return. We frantically busy ourselves with activities which we hope will prevent us from thinking of this cold fate. In any case, Okage is truly a game you want to buy. You, the player, control Okage-san as he needs to solve the mysterious happenings in his village (I don't want to give a away the story). The graphics are great, although the optional Okage screen overlay makes it easier to navigate through the dungeons. Highly recommended. As you can tell, this game changed my life. Don't let the shadows take hold of you. Buy this game! Buy two!

Resident Evil (Cube)

Boo!
You will scream in horror and delite at the goodness that is this game. The graphics are good but not as great as Metal Gear's, which is why I only give it a 4. Non the less, it is very scary yet good. I'm glad it's coming to the GameCube, but Xbox fans should not feel left out as it is also being ported to the Xbox. Buy this game regardless of which system you own cause it's really great!

Eternal Darkness (Cube)

Eternal Fun Go Times!
Just like the extemporaneous Resident Evil, Eternal Darkness is sure to deliver doleful gameplay based on our corrugated fears. For shame! This is hardly what I would expect from a cromulant company like Nintendo. To be honest I was quite surprised when I discovered this title is indeed a puzzle game. Like I really want to line up gems to clear rows. However, it's sure to be awesome, even though it is flawed, yet we should all buy it. Also buy the optional control pad! Gamestop has it all!!!

Absotastically Swaf!
OH YEAH! Who says the Gamecube is for kids? Eternal Darkness proves that Nintendo can make games for adults too!!!!!!111 This game explores the meaning of death, a process all of us will go through. You get to control one of 12 selectable senior citizens with a variety of illnesses. UNBELIEVEABLE!!! Choose a retirement community, manage your investment funds, and wait for the sweet release of death to arrive. Guess what??? If your relatives don't come and visit, you experience a variety of INSANITY EFFECTS that are simply AWESOME. Don't forget to buy the optional Gamecube Electric Dentures... it makes the game much more realistic! BUY THIS GAME! Buy 2!

Modem (Cube)

Modem Funnerz
Boom! Just when you though your eyes couldn't believe it Nintendo sets the price and date for the modem. Boom! This is what your going to need to play all those online games online like Mario, Zelda, Metroid, Punch Out, Pikmin, Bomberman 2, Shaq Fu, Halo, Space Harrier, Robotron, and whatever else Nintendo throws at us. Boom! Don't forget you need to have phone service to use this, so send a letter to your local phone company if you don't have a phone, cause you know your going to want PSO when it comes out. Boom! There's also BROADBAND, so buy that too...BOOM!

Wave Race (Cube)

Splash!
All I've got to say is this game is sweat!

Jedi Starfighter (Xbox) <Not Posted>

A short story for your enjoyment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, back in the day, me and a few friends decided to skip school hike to Albertsville, about five miles away from the school playground. After attendence was taken in homeroom, all twelve of us snuck out to start our journey. It was me, Peter, Mike, Susan, John, Peter's brother, Elrond, Jason, Fredrick, Kelly, Mike 2, and Blayzort. Let me tell you something: about half way, Pete's brother started wavering back and forth while clutching his stomach.We were in the middle of nowhere and Pete forgot to bring his brother's allergy medication. So, we were forced to leave them behind. Eventually, we reached Albertsville but when I turned around, EVERYONE WAS GONE! Buy this GAME!!!!! BUY TWO!!!!111

Phantasy Star Online (Cube)

Online Crazy Times
You and all your online budies will squeal like rats when you buy this game. It's much more than a game. You can live out all your fantisies in an online world! That's right! This game goes on the internet. I can't wait to make the new magic user. If you see a force named Sephiroth say hi! Or maybe Gohan. There's also a modem and keyboard and maybe a mouse. In any case this game is sweat!

Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (Xbox)

Spactecular!
Truly, the best game of all time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pikmin (Cube)

Tasty
All I gots to says is that the Pikmin are delicious. I ate them because Vishnu told me to. Buy it! Sweat!

Steel Battalion Bundle (Xbox)

What a deal!!! GRAB IT!!!!
Finally exactly what the doctor ordered. My friends have always made fun of the fact that I play video games and am morbidly obese. THE GRAPHICS IN THIS GAME LOOK AWESOME!! Now, they will just be able to bask in my coolness when I show them this game. The controller alone will almost cover BOTH of my thighs, hiding my three-cans-a-day ready-made cake frosting habit. CAPCOM IS a SERIOUS DEVELOPER for SERIOUS gamers!! Like me! I can finally be cool!!!111

Bruce Lee: Quest of the Dragon (Xbox)

Made in Taiwan
Control Bruce Lee (played by Jason Scott Lee) and defeat your mortal enemy Jackie Chan. The Opi Opi Bandits are at it again! This time they're trying to bring Bruce Lee back from the dead. STOP THEM AT ALL COSTS!!! Beat them down with a plethora of exciting weapons then jump in your flying won ton and blast off to planet kung fu. It all leads to a battle to the finish where if you're not careful then you may get stuck in the eye with an AIDS-infected needle! Such is the power of the Xbox, and such is the power of Bruce Lee! Buy this game! Buy two!!!

Pirates! (PlayStation 2)

Shibber Me Timber
Electronic Arts is known for there cutting edge puzzle games and this one is no different. I recomend buying this if you enjoy puzzles and pirates. The only thing that disapointed me was the lack of puzzles and pirates. It's exciting on the higher difficulties, and I highly recomend it. Especially with the Pirates! control pad.

Puzzletastic Funnerz!
Arrr Matey, 'tis looks like me treasure map! You will be delighted with the amount of pirate-puzzle hijinks contained in this game. Big fun for everyone! The gameplay is typical puzzle game fare (line up boats and parrots to clear each level), but the real hook (ha ha) is the optional PS2 Swashbuckling controller (highly recommended) that brings you into the action. As if that wasn't enough, the included Pirates! Pirates! Pirates! feature is a documentary about actual San Fuento Pirates. Fun and educational! Buy this game!

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