E3 SHOCKER: The Hulk Preview
By Captain Gamesuck
Every year the exhibitors at E3 hire college girls to dress-up like
the characters in their games and parade around the show floor. These
"booth babes" are recruited to distract the expo attendees from software
their employers know is crap. This may seem ludicrous, but many feebleminded
journalists end up writing favorable previews for terrible games that are "protected" by
a booth babe (for example: all the Tomb Raider games).
Since most of these companies knew Gamesuck.com was attending
this year, I expected them to use their finest booth babes to try and change
my opinions. What I didn't anticipate was that they'd
employ the girl of my dreams, Kate Botello, the ultimate booth babe.
I've had a crush on Kate Botello ever since I first saw her on Tech TV's
video game show, Extended Play. Well, initially I thought she was a man, but
I blame that mistake on keeping my volume too low. Later, my friends informed me
she was indeed a girl, and that's when she stole my heart.
Last year I wrote a Gamesuck story about Kate hoping she'd
read it and come play video games with me. I received a lot of email from
people who read this story and were confused by my infatuation. For some reason,
most of the letters were insulting towards Kate. They called her a "horse-faced goblin"
and suggested that I should visit an optometrist.
Sadly, Kate soon left Extended Play. I thought my story might have
scared her away from the world of electronic entertainment, so I took it down.
She didn't come back to the show, and I slipped into a deep depression. In my
darkest hour I contemplated playing a Final Fantasy game. Where did she go?
Well, Off-Broadway to be exact. About a month before E3 I discovered Kate's
official web site, KateBotello.net,
which states she's performing in some musical that has nothing to do with video games!
I even found a sound clip, which my friends tell me is Kate singing:
Could this actually be her?
Now you know the whole story, so you can guess how excited I was to see
her at E3. She was wearing this red skimpy thing that really accentuated
her "hooves." When I finally got to meet her, I was so nervous
all I could stutter was, "Will you marry me, Kate Botello?" She looked at me,
furrowed her brow, revealing her many facial wrinkles, and said, "I'm
not Kate Botello." Then she galloped away.
Looking back, I'm still not sure whether or not that booth babe was
telling the truth. She really did look like there was some horse DNA in her,
just like Kate. Maybe it really was her, but she was too embarrassed to admit
it. In any case, I really liked the game she was showcasing, and I recommend
you go out and purchase The Hulk as soon as it's released.
Kate or not, The Hulk kicks ass!