Billy Burgerhammer Interview
It's a little-known fact that Gamesuck.com once had a
sister site: PlanetGameCubeSucks.com. At one time, it was the most entertaining
and informational Nintendo site on the internet. Unfortunately, their staff reached puberty
and lost interest in video games. The site was, reluctantly, shut-down by it's founder and
only adult, Billy Burgerhammer. We recently had the chance to talk to Billy about gaming
and his future projects.
Gamesuck: Thanks for taking the
time to talk with us.
Billy: It's cool. I don't have
anything to do today anyway. My GameCubes are
getting painted and won't be back till tomorrow.
Gamesuck: Cool, so what have
you been up to since you left PlanetGameCubeSucks.com?
Billy: Well, I've actually been
trying to convince the old staff to come back. I want to start
the site up again, but they just
keep laughing at me.
Billy: They say they're too
old to play video games, but they're only like fourteen! Look at
me. I'm a big, fat, thirty-year-old,
but that doesn't stop me from being a
hardcore gamer. Hee Haw!
Gamesuck: It's been nearly a year
since Nintendo launched the GameCube in America. Do you
think they've done a good job so far?
Billy: Are you kidding? Everyone
knows that Nintendo kills all other systems! They make the best games, and they're the
cheapest system too. When GameCube hit $150 I bought two more systems to go with the three
I bought at launch. At that price you'd have to be stupid not to buy as many as you can to
help support Nintendo.
Gamesuck: What are your feelings
about long-time Nintendo developer Rare being purchased by Microsoft?
Billy: That makes me so angry!
When I heard about it I removed all the Rare titles from my list of favorite games. I even
traded-in all my old Rare games at GameStop for the only GameCube game I didn't currently
own, which was Rare's Star Fox Adventures. It sucks too! I thought they said it'd
take sixty hours to beat, but I bet
average gamers, like me, can beat it in twenty.
Gamesuck: Didn't you just say you're
a hardcore gamer?
Billy: Hee Haw!
Gamesuck: What do you think about
Nintendo's upcoming games?
Billy: Oh man! I can't wait to play
the new Metroid game. I got excited when they announced it, and I
went back and played through
all the old Metroid games to celebrate. I don't even want to think
about Zelda next year. I'll
definitely have to go through my typical pre-Zelda festivities like beating
all the old Zelda
games and stocking the fridge with Mountain Dew: Code Red. Hell, I might even import it.
I'll be sure to order from multiple places to guarantee
I get it before anyone else. Hee Haw!
Gamesuck: You can read Japanese?
Billy: No. I'll just buy
the domestic version two months later to see what everyone was saying.
Gamesuck: So, what will you be playing
Billy: Probably Animal Crossing.
I think it's so cool how Nintendo can make a game that will entertain both little girls and
people like me. Finally, I have friends, animal friends, who don't make fun of my weight, and
aren't jealous of my thousands of Nintendo games. Hee Haw!
Gamesuck: Is there anything else you'd
like to say to our readers?
Billy: Remember, everyone, that
it's cool to be a hardcore gamer. You might become socially awkward and get fat
from sitting alone
in the dark playing games, but thanks to the internet and it's message boards you can be cool
just like me. PlanetGameCubeSucks.com will live again! Hee Haw!
Gamesuck: Billy, is it true?
Do you eat your own shit?
Billy: Yes I do! HEE HAW!