July 2010

I think this sums it up quite well. Of course, we called it about five years ago.

March 2005

"If the next-generation platforms are going to create even more gorgeous looking games using further enhanced functionality, and if that next-generation market can still expand the games industry, then I'm afraid that third-parties may not support Nintendo."
-Nintendo President, Satoru Iwata (Officially Surrenders)


Under New Management


By Lord Scorpio Bloodskull
GAMESUCKTORIAL: The Perils of Importing*
I placed an order for some import games shortly before Christmas, but they have yet to arrive! They aren't great games, just Final Fantasy & Dragon Quest in Itadaki Street Special and Keroro Gunsou: MeroMero Battle Royale, but I really wanted to play them over the holidays. If it turns out that tsunami had something to do with this, that's so freaking gay!

*Based on an actual message board post of a Gamefaqs.com user.

U.S.-led multinational forces announced today that they have made a shocking discovery in their war on the PlayStation 2 (PS2).

The United States declared war on PS2 after PlayStation President Kraulos was unable to produce one single game that the UN Gaming Council considered decent. "Today, I would like to confirm that our forces have indeed unearthed a good PlayStation 2 game," grimaced Secretary of State Colin Powell as he unveiled Katamari Damacy. He then went on to hum its infectiously pleasing theme song.

Supporters of the war will, no doubt, turn to Gamesuck.com for some insight into this matter. We regret to inform them that not only is Katamari Damacy great, but it would also be our 2004 game of the year if such a thing existed. You may, however, take comfort in the fact that the decision to declare war is still justified even though the original reasons have been proved undeniably false.

"I quit my job as Secretary of State to put the stars back in the sky!"

What are the critics saying about Gamesuck's new look?

"Gamesuck's new look is the equivalent of digging-up a corpse and dressing it in a brand-new suit."
-Count Morgoth Lestat

"The stylish new videogame motif instantly lets surfers in search of porn know that they came to the wrong site."
-Dr. Lick

"Now that Gamesuck has updated its look, poser-wannabe sites like VideoGamesSuck.com are screwed...more so."
-Visitor of VideoGamesSuck.com

"If you find a cutscene a minute too long or don't want to adhere to the title's survival mantra, then you're not willing to experience all it has to offer. And if you can't sink your teeth into Snake Eater, than you must not like playing video games very much."

--Game Informer (review of Metal Gear Solid 3)

Wow! Those professional video game journalists know how to write "goodly." I agree with this review. I don't like endless asinine cutscenes and pausing a game to go into the heal menu just because my character took damage. Certainly, I don't like playing "video games" very much.

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